6 months and 6 days since diagnosis and today, what remains of my breast cancer is finally being cut away. The cancer had spread to my lymph nodes before I caught it (aggressive little sh*t) so the plan from day 1 was to remove all the nodes from my right arm and remove tissue from my breast as if chemo had done nothing at all. The ultrasound I had a couple of months ago suggests that chemo has obliterated the breast tumour – removing the tissue where it once thrived reduces the risk of it coming back. I’m all for that! The surgery isn’t major – in fact If I’m scheduled early enough on the theatre list I will be home again later today. Boom.
It’s 5am and I’m already awake. So many feelings and emotions are running through me right now. For one I’m hungry! Which is a great shame because I’ve been nil by mouth since 2am. I often skip breakfast so this shouldn’t be a huge deal – but today’s the day I’m hungry and really want some toast or cereal. How typical! I’m also tired due to a totally rubbish night’s sleep. No surprise there.
Butterflies are dancing around the knots in my stomach. I have learnt to recognise this as fear and apprehension. Unfortunately it’s a feeling I’m way too familiar with these days. The trick is to keep it under control to prevent it taking over my body and mind. I’ve had plenty of practice at this so I’m feeling calm despite the nerves.
It’s really not all bad though. I’m incredibly eager to get this underway – the start of the next chapter. I’ve been waiting for this day for what feels like forever. I’m even a little excited. If there is anything left of this monster then I want it out. Now. I’ve lived with it inside me way too long.
I’m feeling loved too. Messages of support started coming through yesterday morning and they haven’t stopped yet. Every single one of them means the world to me. You really can’t understand the strength I take from them.
Thank you ❤️