It is what it is

I can go days without thinking about what happened – the memories have dulled. It may be a cliche but it’s definitely true what they say about time being a great healer. I’ve been cancer free for 3 happy years and I try very hard not to dwell on those hideous months of 2017. Because..well..whats the point? It is what it is. Or should I now be saying it was what it was? Because surely it’s over now?

But there are still some life triggers which are certain to take me back there; checkups, scans, waiting for results, friends dealing with similar. The familiar, painful stomach knot returns and my mind wanders off into dark corridors. But these days I’m stronger and with a little effort I can find my way back from the murky corners of my mind and close down the negative thoughts.

Just for the record this blog post isn’t meant to be a pity party. I’m definitely not looking for sympathy. In fact I’m not even sad – I’m in a really good place right now. I can most definitely live with the occasional bout of anxiety. It keeps me grounded and grateful for every minute of every day and thankful that I’m now living a life that I wouldn’t dare hope for just over 3 years ago.

But you should know that, for me, it will probably never be over. I may be cancer free, but cancer will always be a part of who I am. The fear that my breast cancer will return is always lurking somewhere, waiting for a spark to give it life. And I can’t imagine there will be a time when it won’t be like that.

Today’s trigger was the arrival of my annual mammogram results. It’s good news and the relief is overwhelming. And I can close the lid on Pandora’s box again for now – until the next time.

So, for me, it is what it is – and I’m OK with that ♥️

3 thoughts on “It is what it is

  1. I’m so glad there’s someone else out there who feels exactly the same way I do!! Like you say, it never goes away, there’s always people you hear about who were diagnosed when you were that have sadly lost their battle. Every ache and pain you wonder if it’s back. But you have to get on with it and be thankful for what you have! Thanks for writing this post!! 💜💜xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

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