It was one of those nights last night. You probably know the ones I’m talking about – duvet on, duvet off, up for the loo a zillion (nope not even exaggerating) times, tossing and turning all night. Why? Well it could be my body dealing with the menopause brought on by chemotherapy and medication. Or it could be the crappy cold I have, lovingly shared by my husband (so if you’re tempted to feel sorry for him having to sleep next to a fidget, don’t). Or it could be that my subconscious was poking at me, reminding me that today I’m having a kidney biopsy. Now I’ve not been stressing about this. At least I don’t think so. But I’d really rather not have to do it.
I’m now an expert packer of the hospital overnight bag. I shouldn’t need it, I hope to be home by the end of the day. It’s only a 15 minute procedure and done under local anaesthetic so with any luck I should be discharged after a few hours bed rest. Fingers crossed. And toes. And everything else crossable. But I have a dilemma – to wig or not to wig. Wigging up is still definitely preferable to having my wild, curly, old lady hair on show. I swear it adds 10 years to my age. However, after wearing a wig all day the hair underneath becomes very “mad professor”, even worse than the freshly washed messy mop. So what if I do need to stay overnight? That would mean revealing the mad, wiry, post-wig hair to the nurses, doctors and other patients. 😱😱😱 Why the hell do I care? No idea. I know one thing though. I really really miss my hair. My old, beautiful, long hair that I could style and prettify with colours. Looking in the mirror at my unruly curls I’m not convinced I will ever get close to that again.
I’m digressing now, procrastinating; putting off that overnight bag packing, pretending for a few minutes that I’m not spending another day of my life at the hospital. But it is just one day and really nothing compared to everything I went through last year. We already know that the consultant is going to diagnose with some kind of (almost certainly permanent and irreversible) kidney damage. The purpose of the biopsy is to determine the cause. We are 90% sure that it was caused by the very first dose of chemo. The oncologist went “heavy” on that first infusion of Carboplatin, one of the chemo drugs. It now looks to have hit my body incredibly hard. But it was the right thing to do and I have no regrets.
Right I really do need to get up and get myself organised now and face the day. As one of my BFF’s said last night – today is just something else for the “shit things I wish I never had to do” list!
PS I wore the wig! Couldn’t stand a whole day in public without it!