I haven’t blogged for so long that I’ve kind of forgotten what to do! And I’ve lost my way a little. When I started blogging about 3 years ago it was simply to record some of our family antics and create a keepsake for the kids to look back on when they’re all grown up. For just over a year I wrote about things we were doing together. It was simple and my readers were mostly close friends and family.
Then breast cancer turned our lives upside down, inside out and changed everything. My blog became my therapy. I gained hundreds of readers across many different countries. It was extraordinary.
Thankfully, the breast cancer has gone. Hopefully forever. Cancer no longer dominates my life. My hair has grown back and normality has resumed. I will always live in fear of it coming back but that fear is now manageable, packed up into a box and stored away. I no longer think about cancer every day. Until a couple of months ago I simply couldn’t imagine ever reaching this point. Getting through my first annual checkup turned out to be a massive turning point for me although I didn’t know it at the time. I sobbed at that check up, explained to my wonderful breast care nurse that I lived with a constant knot of fear in my stomach, was often consumed by panic and overwhelmed with sadness. I felt weak and vulnerable and even stupid – because I knew that I’d coped so well with the treatment but not so well once I’d been sent on my way to pick up life and carry on. We talked about accessing counselling and treatments to help deal with the emotional trauma and I promised I would book myself in. I didn’t. I meant to and planned to but very quickly after that first checkup I was able to move on. And now, almost a year since active treatment finished, I finally feel like I’m back – or as close to being back as I will ever be. I’m changed forever, I know that. But I’m ok with it. I’m no longer grieving for the person I was or the life I had. In fact the life I have now is pretty awesome.
That probably means that my breast cancer posts will become fewer and further between and my blogs will revert back to mainly being a memory box for our family. The chemo has left me with lasting medical issues so there will almost certainly be health updates along the way – but hopefully nothing too traumatic. To all those readers that followed my blogs through active treatment I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You will never know how much you helped me through the most painful, difficult time of my life. I hope you’ll all stay with me and keep reading. ❤️